Saturday, March 30, 2013

Slice of Life March Challenge #30

My students are doing such an amazing job writing their slice of life stories. So far, I've read some excellent slices--and the comments, especially have been great--very positive and encouraging.   I think that the commenting is probably their favorite part of slice of life.

I just had to share one of my student's slices today because it blew me away:

The Great Fall

It was a normal Saturday up at saddle ridge riding center. The big bare trees around the barn and pens were whistling in the wind. Frosty air bit our noses and toes. (leather boots aren't as warm as they look!) Horses were walking around in their stalls, people were petting their soft noses, and thankfully, it wasn't wet. As my family's car rolled up to the barn, I had high hopes. I hadn't even touched a horse in a few months because we had been away for ski weekends and was hoping for a good riding lesson that would make me look foreword to the next one. 

Soon, we met with my teacher, Barbra. She gave us a big smile and took us and the horse that I would be riding today, Toby, up to the ring. He was big and the color of a flame in the sunlight. He always looked sad, staring at you with his big black and brown horse eyes like he was thinking 'give me a carrot please!" I mounted his tall back and Barbra told me to walk around. After a few minutes of that, I put my feet into my stirrups and at her command, started to trot in half seat. Half seat, for those who don't know, is a position on the horse when your feet are in the stirrups and your hand is holding the horse's mane. It's sort of like the position jockeys do for racing. 

Anyway, I was trotting in half seat which isn't a really stable position on the horse, when Toby, the horse fell. I don't mean he wound up on his back, but he stumbled onto his front knees and I, as you might have guessed, fell off. One moment, I saw Toby on his knees. Then I blinked. Then, I was falling. Then I blinked again. Then finally, I was on the ground, and Toby was standing over me. 

For one terrifying moment, I was afraid that I was going to be stepped on. That was probably the reason why I got up so fast. Barbra came rushing over to me.

"Are you OK?" She asked.

I nodded. She looked at my eyes.

"Can you wiggle every thing? Do you remember where you are?"
I nodded.
"Good!" she said." That was a pretty crazy fall! I would actually call it one of the few ones that was actually Toby's fault and not yours!"
I looked over at Toby to make sure he was OK and fortunately saw him looking at me expectantly as if to say can we do that again?
"That was lucky on both of our accounts!" I thought.

B. That was a great story.  I could really picture Toby falling to his knees and you falling behind him.  I also liked the way you used dialogue in the story.  I hope you don't have another fall with Toby.

E. I loved how you told us what Toby was and who was Barbra.  Great job on your slice of life!!!!!

Ms. S.: Zoe, this was a great slice of life! I really liked how you described what the horse looked like-- "the color of a flame"--wow! I got such a strong image in my mind of Toby. He must be a beautiful horse.

W. This was a great slice of life, i especially like your remarkable description, like how you described when Toby fell and how he was right above you. I could actually visualize what was happening. Excellent story!!!! :) :)

Z. Wow that sounds so scary!! I'm happy your'e OK.  You had me in suspense!!!

My students are awesome. And there are so many more great slices coming in by the day! Even my kids who have been struggling all year posted some really great slices--full of details and their thoughts and emotions.  I'm a happy teacher on this beautiful Saturday morning!


  1. That is an amazing slice! I love the way she described everything and explained horse terms the reader might not know. She was writing for her audience. I'm sure she was so happy to get those great comments. Thanks for sharing her slice and comments.

  2. Awesome slice...awesome comments...awesome students...and awesome teacher who brought this fabulous writing experience into her student's lives. So worth the set up hassles, right, Rachel?!